Question: My son is in the fifth grade and is constantly in motion. He cannot sit at a task without doing something other than his work. He will talk and play. His behavior in class has been especially disruptive over the last two weeks. Reminders from the teacher and me are not working at all. He's a great kid with good grades but seems unable to make the decision not to do something disruptive that is suggested or started by someone else in class. I need some suggestions on a discipline/behavior plan.

Answer: You write, "His behavior in class has been especially disruptive over the last two weeks." What do you think is happening now that is different than before? Are there changes or challenges recently at home or at school that is causing some anxiety? Does he have a history of inattention and impulsivity or is this something new? It sounds like you are suggesting that this is a result of peer influence.

A fifth-grader might be feeling more pressure to fit in as his anxiety increases about transitioning to middle school. Talk to his teacher about how the school is talking about middle school and about peer pressure. Sometimes schools offer this curriculum in the classroom, or it can be presented by the school counselor.

Ideally, you have started talking with him about decision making and problem solving skills. Learning how to think through situations and make good choices can be more effective in the long run than behavioral plans. However, both approaches can be used together. A behavioral plan should be clear, concise, and the consequence enforceable. If the consequence is taking away a privilege, then don't add getting upset with him to the equation. Reprimanding is another consequence and he would be likely to tune out.

As you start teaching him problem solving skills avoid lecturing, but ask him what he wants to accomplish in a particular situation. Ask what are his options and what are the results of each of those options. Be curious and non-judgmental as he begins to explore this. Break things down into manageable steps.

Reinforce these skills by modeling good decision making skills at home. Research shows that how families negotiate and participate in making choices at home becomes the foundation for how young people make their own independent choices.

You might check out Getting Thru to Kids — Problem Solving 6 to 18 by Phillip Mountrose.

Debra Collins is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Debra has worked in both primary and middle schools as a school counselor. She gives workshops to teachers and students, and offers parenting classes in the San Francisco Bay Area. Debra is also a clinical supervisor for a mental health clinic serving schools in the area. To learn more, visit her Web site.

Advice from our experts is not a substitute for medical or other professional advice and services from a qualified health-care provider familiar with your unique situation. We recommend consulting a qualified professional if you have concerns about your child's medical or emotional condition.

May 2008