Answer: Since your child is shy and you are worried, contact the teacher and ask for a conference. At this meeting, come prepared with a list of your questions and concerns so you don’t leave out anything.

Stress to the teacher that your main area of concern is your daughter’s shyness, especially when it comes to making friends. Tell her that you would appreciate any suggestions and input she may have, and ask her how she might encourage your daughter to become friends with some of her classmates at recess. You may ask her to buddy up your daughter with a peer who has similar interests and personalities while they are at recess, and maybe during group project time in the classroom.

Ask the teacher if there is a special student your daughter seems to like and if it is possible for them to exchange phone numbers so that you can set a play-date after school. This may encourage an outside-of-school friendship.

Remember to thank the teacher after the meeting for assisting you and your daughter, and to ask her to keep you posted on how things are going. You may want to request a follow-up conference date just to have a short chat about the progress your daughter is making.

Dr. Ruth Jacoby has been involved in education for more than 30 years as an educator, principal and currently as an educational consultant in Florida. She is the co-author of the School Talk! Success Series.

Advice from our experts is not a substitute for medical or other professional advice and services from a qualified health-care provider familiar with your unique situation. We recommend consulting a qualified professional if you have concerns about your child's medical or emotional condition.

July 2005