My Active Son Struggles With Structure

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My Active Son Struggles With Structure

Ask the Experts: My third-grader is smart but has trouble paying attention. His teacher has a structured approach, and that's where the trouble comes in.

By Dr. Joseph Gianesin, Behavioral Consultant

Question: My child talks too much in class and

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sometimes plays a lot. He is very young for his grade, but he is also very smart. He does great on his schoolwork but apparently the teacher has a hard time keeping his attention.

He has had this problem since kindergarten. He appeared to have improved in second grade, but now he has reverted back to playing instead of focusing on his schoolwork. I am doing everything I can to help him realize that he has to pay attention in class and be quiet unless he's asked a question.

Is there anything you can suggest that I try to do?

His second-grade teacher was a bit laid back and didn't quite mind her students' movements as long as they did their work. He seemed to thrive in such an environment. His third-grade teacher is more of a structured person, and this appears to be where the conflict or problem arises. He is very active and energetic. Do you have any advice?

Answer: For a number of reasons, boys with early birthdays have a difficult time adhering to structure and focusing for long periods of time.

In third grade, this gets magnified because the expectations become more complex than ever before, including learning cursive writing and math tables. In addition, boys are much more active than girls and often encounter difficulties with teachers who are extremely structured in their approach. The fact that he thrived in his second-grade classroom lets us know that he is completing his work but that he needs an opportunity to move around.

I would suggest that you have a meeting with his third-grade teacher and request that she give him opportunities to do things that are more kinetic and active. This is referred to as differentiated instruction.

She could provide him with more hands-on materials or provide him with responsibilities in the classroom that get him out of his seat and moving. Examples of this are having him become a messenger to the office or buying him a seat cushion that is called a "sit and move cushion," an inflatable cushion that allows a child to move without getting out of his seat.

In addition, there have been a number of recent books that speak to the different learning styles of boys and girls. Michael Gurian has written a really great book called, Boys and Girls Learn Differently! A Guide for Teachers and Parents In it, he describes how teachers and parents can create boy-friendly classrooms.

Dr. Joseph Gianesin is a professor at Springfield College School of Social Work and a program and behavioral consultant for public schools in Massachusetts. He has more than 25 years of experience as a child and family therapist, a school social worker and a school administrator.

Advice from our experts is not a substitute for medical or other professional advice and services from a qualified health-care provider familiar with your unique situation. We recommend consulting a qualified professional if you have concerns about your child's medical or emotional condition.

December 2006

Comments From GreatSchools.net Users

04/30/2007:

"'He doesn't seem to match up to their model. I'm not sure I want him to. He's going to be a really amazing man one day. But for now he needs to sit in class. ' is quoted from a parent here... This is what I say all the tme. I can relate to these writings with my own 3rd grader. I have had teachers in the past bring up that he may have ADHD but when I tell them that he Can sit still when Made to, then they agree with me. He is overly hyper but with him being a leader, outspoken, and passionate he will be a wonderful man. I am relieved to read others say that they have the same type of children. And even more relieved to see that some have had them mellow out in 4th grade...whew...I stand by what I said earlier about when he gets oldre, however, he wears us out now. lol"

12/26/2006:

"Interesting situation! I have had the same experience with my son who is now in middle school. He absorbs material very quickly and uses his extra time to talk or socialize. His 4th grade teacher found it very challenging to keep him engaged, however, apparently he has mellowed out since going to middle school. His math teacher suggests that I do not focus on his tendency to be gregarious since this is a characteristic of highly gifted children; she actually allows for it in her teaching style. She says that it will decrease as he becomes engaged in different types of learning offered in the middle and high schools. Let's keep our fingers crossed!!"

12/21/2006:

"This problem is not at all specific to boys. My little girl is in almost the exact same situation. She is very young, extremely bright and getting all A++s , but making her teacher crazy with her constant motion. The more still she is forced to be, the worse the conflicts."

12/21/2006:

"I am the concerned mother in this article. My young third grader has exactly the same problem. It is almost as if I wrote the letter in the article myself. Every year the teachers sit me down for the talk about holding him back but he's so smart he's almost bored in class. It doesn't seem to me like age is the problem. My other son, in Kindergarten, can sit, listen and follow direction better than his brother. What good is repeating a grade going to do him? This year my son's teachers are more understanding than ever before. They are a teaching team and they admire my sons strengths and stay firm on his weaknesses. But even my wonderful teachers will not give my son special jobs because he's hyper. It will all come down to fairness in the end. Everyone else will want a special job and they are in tird grade. The teacher are trying to get them ready for the even harder standards of fourth grade which in my district is at a completely different school. The big kid! school, 4th to 6th grades, is next year. How do I teach my child to sit and listen and do what the schools want him to? He doesn't seem to match up to their model. I'm not sure I want him to. He's going to be a really amazing man one day. But for now he needs to sit in class. "

12/20/2006:

"Thanks for this advice. My son is going through the exact same thing. His birthday is early and you described my son to a T. The only problem I have is that some teachers do not like you to but in to the way they run there class. They feel like it is the parents duty to make the child sit still. I have talked with my son and he is improving because I took certain things he likes away until he straightens out his act. I must admit though I feel like I am punishing him for being himself."